I get so tired of living with a *false pretense before God and others. It really doesn’t matter where I’ve learned this tendency, what matters is that it exists and makes me want to vomit.
I have a friend whose walk with God I greatly admire. When I was struggling with depression overseas, she was sort of my life-line of encouragement. When I wanted to isolate myself and was afraid, I’d write to her and she’d quickly respond. I remember her encouraging me to just let myself unravel before God. To do with God whatever I needed to express myself as honestly as possible. She said that when she’s been in dark, confusing times, she has taken hours to just scream, yell, swear, and get real with God.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a group praying with others where I was more concerned with saying the most spiritual and difficult words, speaking with the most passion, saying “in the name of Jesus,” speaking boldly against evil, than I was concerned with just being honest. PUKE. (excuse the throw-up references) Who wants to be a part of some religion where they need to know complicated spiritual terminology, speak with the proper crescendos and decrescendos (for you musical people) to sound “passionate”, and where, God FORBID we question why he would allow something to happen to us that we don’t understand. (that last one is a HUGE topic I won’t discuss right now)
Hear me out…I am NOT trying to say that someone has “taught” me that this is what Christianity is about. I am only trying to dismantle LIES that have slowly distorted my thinking as I’ve spent time trying to grow in my relationship with God through various avenues.
The other day I had this thought, and I believe it was from God and I believe it is TRUE: the more brutally honest we are with God, the more real and raw and relevant will his presence be in our lives.
Think about it. In our human relationships, if we are living in them under a *false pretense, this means walls are built up which we are not allowing others to pass in order to see the “true” us. If there is a wall between me and someone in my life, this is not only going to affect their perception of me, but it is going to affect how I can truly experience that person in my life, as well.
What does this mean within our relationship to God? What do you think of being brutally honest with God to the point of even swearing at him if it’s truly the expression of what’s in your heart? If you aren’t into the spiritual thing or a “relationship with God,” how does this idea sound to you?
*false pretense: False representation of fact or circumstance, calculated to mislead. (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/false+pretense)