I get so tired of living with a *false pretense before God and others. It really doesn’t matter where I’ve learned this tendency, what matters is that it exists and makes me want to vomit.
I have a friend whose walk with God I greatly admire. When I was struggling with depression overseas, she was sort of my life-line of encouragement. When I wanted to isolate myself and was afraid, I’d write to her and she’d quickly respond. I remember her encouraging me to just let myself unravel before God. To do with God whatever I needed to express myself as honestly as possible. She said that when she’s been in dark, confusing times, she has taken hours to just scream, yell, swear, and get real with God.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a group praying with others where I was more concerned with saying the most spiritual and difficult words, speaking with the most passion, saying “in the name of Jesus,” speaking boldly against evil, than I was concerned with just being honest. PUKE. (excuse the throw-up references) Who wants to be a part of some religion where they need to know complicated spiritual terminology, speak with the proper crescendos and decrescendos (for you musical people) to sound “passionate”, and where, God FORBID we question why he would allow something to happen to us that we don’t understand. (that last one is a HUGE topic I won’t discuss right now)
Hear me out…I am NOT trying to say that someone has “taught” me that this is what Christianity is about. I am only trying to dismantle LIES that have slowly distorted my thinking as I’ve spent time trying to grow in my relationship with God through various avenues.
The other day I had this thought, and I believe it was from God and I believe it is TRUE: the more brutally honest we are with God, the more real and raw and relevant will his presence be in our lives.
Think about it. In our human relationships, if we are living in them under a *false pretense, this means walls are built up which we are not allowing others to pass in order to see the “true” us. If there is a wall between me and someone in my life, this is not only going to affect their perception of me, but it is going to affect how I can truly experience that person in my life, as well.
What does this mean within our relationship to God? What do you think of being brutally honest with God to the point of even swearing at him if it’s truly the expression of what’s in your heart? If you aren’t into the spiritual thing or a “relationship with God,” how does this idea sound to you?
*false pretense: False representation of fact or circumstance, calculated to mislead. (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/false+pretense)
Cheers!
One in seven billion. 
The reality is that you can’t ever uphold a false pretense before God anyway… I mean, God knows all… you can’t hide anything!
Thanks for being honest!
Well said, Katy! I agree and look forward to Part 2. :)
Thanks very much, Andrew. I’d love to hear more of your thoughts!
Is there a *like button?
Yes there is. It’s right under the post. If it’s hard to find on your monitor (maybe you’re on a phone with a small screen?), you can use your browser to search for the word Like and you’ll find it. :)
Amen! I often wonder what God’s facial expression would be at us trying to hide the honest turmoil inside. Ah, how much better life would be if we would just let God be God.
(this is becca by the way!)
>> What do you think of being brutally honest with God to the point of even swearing at him if it’s truly the expression of what’s in your heart?
I just skimmed the first 35 Psalms to see David’s example. He was always frank with God about his emotions and his distress, but he always mixed it with praise and returned to a faith-stance by the end of the Psalm (at least in the Psalms I looked at).
People who just complained, without faith, got themselves killed. (See Numbers 11:1, for example.)
Based on those limited examples, it seems that you can be honest but it must be from an underlying position of faith.
>> If you aren’t into the spiritual thing or a “relationship with God,” how does this idea sound to you?
As you know from my blog, I no longer consider myself to be in “relationship with God” so I’ll answer your question. Honest communication sounds great!
Except for the swearing part. I’ve always thought swearing is a non-creative, imprecise, impoverished form of communication. You’re a good writer. You can do better than swearing. ;)
Also, if I were talking to the King of the universe I think I would be respectful. You can be very honest, but still respectful. Imagine that you are bringing your complaint before the President of the United States. No matter how much you disliked him or his policies, you would be respectful, right? Shouldn’t God get at least that much respect?
Sometimes in a human relationship the other party may not be ready to hear you when you’re totally honest, but surely if God exists he can take the truth…respectfully delivered.
Reblogged this on One in Seven Billion and commented:
SO, I’ve decided that between now and the New Year, I’m going to “re-blog” some of the more “popular” posts from my blog from this past year. Maybe you’ve missed some of them…feel free to share your thoughts openly.
This first post has a second part, which you can find here.
I almost had an emotional/mental breakdown yesterday. This can happen to me during the holiday season. I think it’s a mixture of my procrastination, my dislike of gift-giving, and my struggle with wanting to try to meet so-called standards or expectations I feel other or society have placed on me. God, in his grace, helped me to breathe and calm down (after being a bit snappy with my mum). What I don’t want to do is shut down…so I pray the same for you. I pray we could really feel, be it pain or joy, this holiday season…and that in those feelings we would be reminded of the sweet gifts we’ve been given…and especially that of grace with came down in the form of a baby. It’s that grace that helps me to continue to LIVE, even in the midst of pain…I pray that for you, too.
Grace,
Katy