What makes a beautiful story? Reality.

I’d carefully climbed and mastered the mountain called “self-creation” for years and years.  It was familiar.  It was routine.  In fact…it was my life.  I didn’t know I was on a mountain, because it was all I’d ever known.   Eventually, I’d reached a peak, and this peak seemed to be one of purpose and direction.  Having reached it filled me with a sense of identity and worth.  But after some time of relishing in this discovery, something happened.  I began to slip.  For a while the decline wasn’t too intense…I could still see the top and grabbed onto whatever I might to keep from falling further.  But eventually, this slip was unlike other falls I’d taken.  I wasn’t sure why.  I didn’t see this coming.  I tried to cry for help, but what would I say?  What would they think?  What was happening?…I thought I knew what I was doing…my grip grew weak, and eventually I lost it.  I began sliding, tumbling…the hill became steeper, and soon I could see no way back and no sign of where I had fallen from.  As I fell, I could see nothing but flashes of scenes from my entire life playing and replaying in front of me…and I kept thinking, “what was this?  who was I?  what have I done with my life?”  But then I heard another voice responding with, “you’re no fun.  you’ve done nothing with your life.  you have no personality.  you’re a nobody.”  I could hear nothing but these voices as my body finally hit the bottom.  I couldn’t move.  I just stayed there, playing and replaying the words in my head…over and over and over…

This, my friends, was the the darkest place my mind and soul had ever been.  I had no idea where I was…I’d never been there before, and saw no way out.   Just beginning to move out of this deep, deep valley took many months.  I’m currently living in the months that follow that dark time in my life.

When I look back, from the outside, my life looks like quite the exciting adventure.  In many ways, it was.  However, much of the excitement and beauty were external.

You see, until now, I’ve spent much (if not all) of my life attempting to “create” myself.  At an early age, I taught myself how to put on masks, and have been doing so ever since.  I did it well…so well I didn’t even know I was doing it.  I didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t living in reality.  However, after 25 years, I couldn’t keep up…I couldn’t keep self-creating.  The internal unrest came out.  My life suddenly took a downward spiral.  I was spiritually, emotionally, and physically “dead.”

Anyone can live a story that looks good and beautiful.  But I submit to you that a truly good and a truly beautiful story comes from within.

I must face my “masks.”  I must confront them and I must reject them.  I must refuse to keep putting them on.  They may look beautiful, but they are not real.   What God has already created is what is real.  He must surface what’s real, and He will.  When HIS version of myself comes to LIFEmy story will become more and more real, because He wrote it.

As I come face to face with the beautiful little girl God created…I will also come face to face with my Maker in ways I’ve never known.  Nothing could make for a better story.  What I’m doing externally will no longer matter.  When the real me is in a living and breathing relationship with the real Creator, there is nothing to be lived but a beautiful story.

When the real YOU is in a living and breathing relationship with the real Creator, there is nothing to be lived but a beautiful, redeeming, kingdom-advancing, grace-filled story beyond your imagination.

To see what others are saying about living a good story, check out this link to “Prodigal Magazine”:

http://www.prodigalmagazine.com/living-story/

 

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7 thoughts on “What makes a beautiful story? Reality.”

  1. Oofta, sounds like a bad drug trip. Everything you were has made you everything you are. I don’t know that I can identify with the idea of wearing a mask. Perhaps I view it differently. I’m many different people living in many different worlds. This is who I am and I enjoy it. Looking into our past, it is easy to misjudge who were. Hind sight is both good and bad. When we look back upon our lives, it is important we don’t judge who were by who we are. Our past is neither good or bad; its simply part of the sum of who we are. In Hebrew thought there is completed action and ongoing action. Our past is completed action. It is what it was. What I’m trying to say is your judging yourself too harshly. Cherish who you were, love who you are, its extremely important. It means the difference between living a full life vs one darkened by the shadows of your past. Such shadows are not real, they don’t exist; we create them. Smile Katy :). Breathe deep. Life is all about living. Living is all about now, this moment. Nothing else matters. We haven’t been created with the capacity to experience any other moment than now. This is why Jesus tells us to give no thought about tommarroww because tommarroww will worry about itself. When we try and relive the past, or we try and live for the future, we are trying to be like God. Such a thing doesn’t work so well. It’s all good, though, Katy :). You’re doing well ;). Live today :D.

    1. haha. First time I’ve been told that I sound like someone on a drug trip. No drug trippin here, though. I think that we are on different pages and that it’s hard to understand what I”m saying. Maybe not, though…who knows. I think the idea of wearing a mask, or acting like someone you’re not, maybe isn’t something you’ve had to deal with. I can honestly say that there are times I am conscious of the fact that I am indeed acting or talking in a way that is not “me.” It’s not natural and not what I actually want to be doing or saying. So although I do not want to “re-live” the past (not sure if a person can actually do that), I DO want to be aware of when I am reverting to my old habits of trying to be someone I’m not (generally I’ve done this to try to please others or elicit some kind of response from them that I think I want, etc.)…
      That may make no sense to you, which is entirely ok. AND I would actually say that I am FINALLY NOT being so harsh with myself. I think begin harsh with myself would sound like “shame on you for ever putting up a front or living under pretenses or trying to make people like you…blah blah blah.” Now I just try to recognize when I’m doing so, give myself grace, and LIVE…knowing that just being myself, regardless of what others think, is what it truly means to LIVE in freedom. You know what I mean?? haha. So it is all good…I AM doing well…and just learning to LIVE more…

  2. I’m so grateful for Christians who are willing to get real with themselves and others. It paves the way for genuine community and that is such a wonderful blessing for believers. :) I discovered the beauty of this kind of fellowship when I stumbled upon a home church last year, and finally saw people connect on a gut-level. I’m still learning to open up that freely, but it’s refreshing being around people who desire to step from behind the mask.

  3. Reblogged this on One in Seven Billion and commented:

    Merry Christmas everybody. (or Happy Tuesday if you don’t observe Christmas) I do hope that you’re finding beauty in your days. I’m reblogging an old post that discusses a little bit of my life journey, filled with identity struggles, depression, and a new path toward healing.
    Cheers, Katy

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