Passivity vs. Love


verb \ˈre-kən-ˌsī(-ə)l\

transitive verb

a : to restore to friendship or harmony <reconciled the factions>b : settleresolve <reconcile differences>

I’ve been really broken lately about the refusal of people to be reconciled with one another.  I’m a recovering passive, non-confrontational, let-people-walk-on-me, silence-my-voice, comply-and-be-nice type of gal.  But still struggling…

Now I totally understand how EASY it is to choose passivity, to choose gossip, to choose silence, and put on a smile rather than choosing reconciliation with another.  And I also know how this leads bitterness, hardness of heart, apathy, pride, etc.  But it’s OH so very much safer to take this route.  This way, I don’t have to put my heart on the line to potentially be hurt again.  This way, I don’t have to risk what may end up being a failed attempt at reconciling a friendship.  This way I don’t have to forgive or ask for forgiveness.  This way I can be lazy and just live an uncomplicated life.

In order to do things the easy way, the “pain-free” way, and the safe way, I’ll forgo the opportunity to experience love. 

Love is not passive. 

I cannot be passive and love at the same time.

Here’s what true:  I am a part of the Kingdom of God.  I am a child of the King.  The Kingdom of God is all about redemption and reconciliation.  The King is about reconciling people to Himself and He is about reconciling people with one another.  When we move towards reconciling our relationship with others, we are participating in the Kingdom of God.  When do don’t, we are participating in the work of another kingdom.  Yikes.

…So how to move from passivity to love and reconciliation?  I suppose we could all just take a class on conflict management.  Don’t get me wrong…this has helped me greatly in my life.  It’s because of this kind of training that I know to never say “you’re a disrespectful pile of total absolute jerk,” but rather, “When you did ______ I felt like you were disrespecting me.”  You get the point…

BUT even if I know what to say to someone, I usually just don’t want to.  I’d rather not move…I’d rather be passive…I’d rather leave it alone so my life can be easy breezy. Let’s be honest…we can come up with every reason in the book that we don’t need to confront this time…this isn’t our issue.  Often, I’d rather discuss the issue with someone other than THE person.–>  (yep…gossip is PASSIVE)

This is an issue of the heart.  I want God to change it so that I want to move towards reconciliation with people…toward peace, harmony, and unity, because it’s the way of Jesus.  Love is not passive.  Jesus was NOT passive.  LOVE is the way of Jesus.  And well, I guess then I’d like to take that way.

Watcha think?


4 thoughts on “Passivity vs. Love”

  1. I think reconciliation of friendships can be difficult in the sense that both people need to want it. One can work awfully hard at it but if the other person doesn’t want it, I think that’s where it will stay. Also, in my personal experience, I’ve found I need to do more work on my own heart when it comes to rebuilding relationships. The hardest part for usually is to see the person’s view point unbiasly; also to realize I might be in the wrong; and finally remembering that we are all fallen people. It is definitely a difficult task, but certainly possible :)

  2. Thanks for responding, Brett! Absolutely, in order for actual reconciliation to happen, both must desire it. But, I do think it’s still right for oneself to seek reconciliation, even if it’s assumed the other party doesn’t want it. I guess we can take ownership only for ourselves, so we can seek to mend a relationship, and if it’s not received, then that’s all we can do. Would be silly to keep trying after that.

    One thing I’ve learned is that often the source of conflict is someone not being understood by another. Of course, someone can intentionally say/do something to hurt another, but I think a lot of times, a person doesn’t TRY to hurt someone, but did something they didn’t realize would have that effect. Does that make sense? So if someone tells me I said or did something that hurt their feelings, even if I know I didn’t mean to hurt them, I’m learning it’s still right for me to apologize, because regardless, something I did caused hurt feelings. I didn’t sin, but still caused pain, which I can be sorry for. Does that make sense? The reason I said that is because you said you might need to realize you’re in the wrong, which is true. But, I think it’s possible to not be in the wrong, per say, but can still hurt someone.

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