on minimizing pain, part I

disclaimer:  I’m writing about something I’ve previously written about.  I don’t care, because I’m still passionate about it, learning from it, and want to keep discussing it until it begins to change me.  I’ve had so many unhealthy tendencies ingrained in me, so it takes time to transform my ways of thinking, believing, and living.

If you’ve said, thought, or heard these kinds of things in regards to difficulty or pain…please stand up…

1.  Someone always has it worse…at least your not suffering from X, Y, Z.

2.  God’s strength is made perfect in weakness, so just be thankful for this time…

3.  It’s all a part of God’s perfect plan…

4.  Just think of how much you have to be thankful for…

5.  You’ll just have to move on…

These kinds of statements used to make sense to me.  Therefore, I figured they must be right.  I was wrong.  I was very wrong.  There may be truths within them, but using them in response to someone’s pain is often anything BUT the right thing.

What do these communicate?  Here’s what they communicate to me:

1.  Your pain isn’t as big of a deal as other people who are suffering more…

2.  It’s not ok to question your pain or be angry or confused about it.  If you do this, you aren’t trusting in God’s word.

3.  God must have wanted this to happen…and you know that God is good….so THERE…that’s all there is to it.  (I know this one is sensitive, but it must be mentioned)

4.  You’re being ungrateful…

5.  It’s not ok to be where you are at.  Your feelings of ________ (sadness, loneliness  anger, frustration, confusion, etc) are not valid.  Which means it’s not ok to be who you are.  Which means you should change…

Am I being too extreme?  Tell me what you think of these sorts of statements we throw around at people.  Why do we think we need to have an “answer” so often?  

Here is an older post where I wrote about similar issues.  https://katylarson3.wordpress.com/2012/08/01/grace-in-the-pain/  I’ll be back to continue to share more of my thoughts on this.  

Oh and HAPPY Friday.  Cheers.

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One thought on “on minimizing pain, part I”

  1. It goes back to bricks and stones. The list you presented is how bricks are addressed. “One is not more important than the other so get over it. It’s for the greater good.” But that is not how God treats his children. When we go through pain or hard times, it’s worse than everybody else’s. Why? Because we are experiencing it, not someone else. It goes back to what I’ve said before about “You are the standard for normal.” It’s not that we lord our pain over someone else’s or wallow in it. We simply realize we are sick and need comfort and healing. So we go to God about it and his other children for those things. And on the flip side, when we see someone who is in that state, we need to be compassionate towards them and help them recover. Those five things are not expressions of compassion or love. Rather, it is like a servant beating his fellow servant.

    We need to have an answer so often because if we know ‘why’ it quantifies the issue into something we can begin to deal with (and I do emphasis ‘begin’). There’s comfort in that and with knowing comes confidence. It’s like being lost in the dark and finding a flashlight. Might not be able to see everything, but you can see enough to at least get an idea. It really comes down to an emotional state of being I can’t explain though I understand it.

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