grace and tears.

When I write blog posts, it generally takes very little thought or effort.  I don’t usually write until an idea pops into my head, which generally has to do with what I’m walking through in life, and then I begin typing and am done within 15-20 min.  SO, I’ve not been writing.  It’s not that things aren’t going on in my life worth sharing.   I almost feel overwhelmed with all that’s gone on, most of it internal.  And then I think back on the past year and am literally rendered speechless.  I don’t have words.  Words are no longer enough.  They can’t do my life justice…the life and work that Jesus has done in me…it’s really all too overwhelming.  What are words, anyway?  Something I’ve used and abused for so much of my life, trying to talk myself into acceptance, being understood, being someone.  But by themselves, words and just words.  And so now, in this moment, as I reflect on the life I’ve finally begun to live..I mean really live, words aren’t enough.

So here I am… Tears.  I’ve got tears.   Tears.  As I search for the words, I come up with tears.  Grace.

Grace.  I’ll never tire of it.  I’ll never tire of receiving it.  I’ll never tire of learning how to give it..freely…always…always grace.  Because grace is the thing that’s bringing me this life.  Always grace.

Even these words aren’t enough.  They almost seem empty…just as words. They are empty as words…the idea of grace and the message of grace means nothing when just words.  But don’t lose heart.  Because she can touch you.  She wants to touch you.  Grace wants to touch you and move you deeply in ways you’ve never imagined.  You may not even know you are missing out.  I didn’t know.  Grace.  It’s begun to touch me.  It’s awakened something.  …and I know there is more…always more.  Grace.  Tears.

        Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness.
It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a
meaningless and empty life… It strikes us when, year after year,
the longed-for-perfection does not appear, when the old
compulsions reign within us as they have for decades,
when despair destroys all joy and courage.  Sometimes at that
moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and it is as though
a voice were saying:  “You are accepted.  You are
accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you…
Do not try to do anything now;  perhaps later you will do much.
Do not seek for anything, do not perform anything, do not intend anything.
Simply accept the fact that you are accepted.”
If that happens to us, we experience grace.  –
Paul Tillich, The Shaking of the Foundations

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give yourself a voice...

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