I am nothing and Jesus is everything???

Less of me and more of you Jesus.

I must decrease so you might increase.

It’s not about me, it’s all about Jesus.

I am nothing, Jesus is everything.

Perhaps there are pieces of truth in these statements.  Perhaps there are people who can read them…hear them…and not be triggered like me.  Perhaps there are people who know who they are well enough to be able to hear such words and be okay…to see them rightly.

Perhaps you are one of those people.

But perhaps you are not.  Perhaps there are many more people who are as confused as I was.  Perhaps there are more of you that have, knowing or unknowingly, struggled most of your lives like me…have struggled with issues that these words, these phrases, rather than encourage your soul, squashed your soul.  Perhaps your soul is still being sqaushed.  Perhaps you’ve thought these words must be true, when what they’ve really done is lie to you about who you are, who God is, and what God thinks of you…

Without knowing it, I lived most of my life…my entire life, striving to be worthy of love, acceptance, and approval.  For me, what this looked like as trying to do, say, and be whatever I thought would be most desirable to whomever’s approval I was seeking at any given time.  There was no…”this is who I am”…there was just a little girl, with no idea who she was, but who had made her life’s purpose to become good enough…funny enough…pretty enough…smart enough…nice enough…loving enough…gossipy enough…satisfying enough…

Then I went to college and “became a Christian.”  Seemingly, I realized I had been living this way, and now I shouldn’t have to…because now I don’t matter…GOD matters  (this is what I thought).  But what I didn’t realize was that nothing had changed…at the very core of who I believed myself to be…I was that same little girl.  A girl with insecurity and low self-esteem at the core of my being, and this didn’t change when I “accepted Christ.”  I’m not quite sure, but I think there is a chance that my soul became squashed even more, but I had no…i….dea.

Because now I had a purpose.  Now I had direction in life.  Now I had an eternal mindset.  I heard about missionaries, about people who don’t know Jesus and are going to hell…I heard about the Great Comission…and I found older spiritual people to ask for direction in life. All of this is a dream-come-true…this is THE answer to a girl who has no idea who she is, who doesn’t know what she likes and doesn’t like, who is insecure and has no confidence in making her own decisions.

Jesus wept.  Jesus was weeping.  Jesus looked at this girl…saw the broken and the hurting little girl inside…and he wept.

But…

Less of me and more of you Jesus.

I must decrease so you might increase.

It’s not about me, it’s all about Jesus.

I am nothing, Jesus is everything.

???

This post will have another part that I’ll share sometime soon.  I will share the hope, freedom, and new life that Jesus spoke to this little girl.  I will share what this little girl now knows…well, is beginning to know…is true of her and of her God.

This is not a post of blame casting.  If you’ve gotten that impression  it’s not correct.  This is about how brokenness and deeply rooted pain and lies can distort even the most well-meaning messages we hear as Christians.  This is about Jesus wanting to bring freedom and wholeness and health so that we can sift through and hear his voice and calling upon our lives, and confidently trust it.

Please feel free to share thoughts.

Cheers until next time,  Katy

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3 thoughts on “I am nothing and Jesus is everything???”

  1. Hi Janathan, Thanks for commenting. Do you mean that the idea that you didn’t matter because it was all about God began for you as a child? It’s so easy to take the beautiful message about Jesus, and then twist ideas and scripture and believe that we are nobodies, when the reality is that BECAUSE of Him we ARE somebody…

    And then of course those messages play a role into our struggles with depression…or at least mine. Thanks again for stopping by.

    1. Conditional love is a sad fact of human relationship. One would think that the gospel of grace would be an antidote, so it is unfortunate when culture conspires with our fallen nature to infuse the gospel with law. I was raised in a legalistic Christianity, which is by definition acceptance based on conditions and was taught to see God this way. There was an assumed conflict between my will and God’s will, and my will/desires were to be denied in favor of God’s “will.” If someone has a moderate faith, then legalism leads to Phariseeism, but if, like I did, one tries to live wholeheartedly one’s values, it leads to despair of every being good enough, and despair breeds depression.

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