kentucky y’all

0609131148I live in Kentucky now.  Nicholasville to be exact, just outside of Lexington and a 5 minute drive from Asbury Seminary in Wilmore, where I am in the Mental Health counseling program.  Just to clarify, yes it’s a seminary and no I am not becoming a pastor.  No el pastero, comprende?  (I’ve never had a thought in “spanish” like that before…weird)  At some point I’ll probably have to learn to clarify what the Mental Health Counseling piece actually means, too.  Too lazy to figure that out now.

If you’re from Kentucky and we were speaking face-to-face, I’d probably now be saying to you, “Yes, I’m really from North Dakota…yes I know I have an accent and say my “o’s” funny, and no I have never seen the movie Fargo.”   Have y’all seen that flick?  Perhaps I’d rather not know the stereotypes people are making about me based on that film…
But seriously, even when I lived in FRANCE, people asked me about that movie.  In fact, my best French friend’s dad has it…dubbed over in French.  That makes me laugh out loud.  I mean, I’m not so sure they could depict an exaggerated Noooorth Dakooootan accent in French, but who knows…

People also like to ask me how my parents feel about me moving.  I’m freaking 26.  That’s what I want to say.  I guess I may look like a teen, so I’ll give them that.  But I do get a kick out of the coined questions and statements people make in introductory conversations.  I don’t know why that is funny to me…I mean we all do them, myself included.  But if it were up to me, it would be socially acceptable to awkwardly stare at a stranger in silence instead.  Seems more real to me…and hilarious.

I never really know what to say to the “why Kentucky” question.  I have no real satisfying answers, “grad school,” “Waffle House waffles,” “I knew it was right,”…

So there ya go.  I live in Kentucky.  Transitions are probably never easy…at least not for anyone seeking to be emotionally alive inside.  I realize that might sound confusing.  “Emotionally alive, Katy? what the hell does that mean?”   Another topic for another time.

But anyway, I would say that this transition, of all transitions in my life, has been the most challenging.  I’m in the awkward/uncomfortable in-between, living here but not yet belonging, hopeful, but unsure of what I”m hopeful for. So for now, I’ll choose to just be, because maybe that’s all I can do.  And I think that can be the hardest thing to do.  To be in the messiness of life that comes with whatever season we’re in. To allow ourselves to feel what we will feel…

So for now, I’ll try to just be…to feel…to show up…while attempting to cling to the one hope I am sure of… The One who knows me, who shows up with me, identifies with what I feel, walked where I walk, lowered himself to my level, so that he could look me…look you…in the eyes, not with a spirit of superiority, but of love and compassion, saying “I understand.”

In whatever season of life you find yourself in right now, do you allow yourself to sit in the mess of it?  Do you give yourself the space to feel?

Peace y’all,

p.s. the picture is my un-named stray front yard cat friend.  I seriously opened my front door to THIS.


give yourself a voice...

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